Offers to the Toilet God
"I don't like them"
A common theme at the dinner table. The toddler will eat anything, but the preteen, not so much. Naturally, vegetables are a touchy subject. She only eats broccoli to the point where her dad and I grimace at the sight of it. Reluctantly, we put it on our weekly menu.
After night three, enough was enough. Brussels sprouts made their appearance. Instantly, "I don't like Brussel sprouts".
Yes, I have tried all the cooking options: steamed, roasted, smothered in butter, and even added her favorite seasoning. It is the same outcome. Now, to give her credit, she will still eat what we put on her plate, but it is not without protest. A bite then a chug of a drink and gagging. We usually do not force food that she does not like, but we also do not cook more than one meal for dinner. When it comes to vegetables, we do a small portion and encourage her for nutrient purposes.
Though, this night was different. We were all conversing as normal and going over everyone's day until we heard the sigh. Her green nightmare on the plate staring back at her. With normal parental encouragement, she takes her first bite, followed by her chug of tea. She takes her next bite announces she must go to the restroom and runs off.
Yes, what you may be thinking is correct, but here is the thing, my partner is a plumber. Anyone that lives with a tradesman knows the common announced rant to the household about what not to do that correlates their specialty. There are times where my girls see me rinsing small pieces of food down the kitchen sink, and I reiterate, "don't tell dad". Sometimes joking, sometimes not.
Ignoring my parent alarm was going off, I let it go with a chuckle to myself and continued on with our conversation. I heard the flushed and as she walked back to the table she announced "I finished all my Brussel sprouts!"
Her dad looked intensely at her and asked "Did you flush them down the toilet?' with a chuckle, but her face went flushed and answered no weirdly quick. I was more impressed that he had the same alarm going off. I kept eating accepting the no, as did he. He chuckled and said "oh, I figured you didn't, but just know if you did, it would be terrible for the pipes and cause major clogs, so good thing you didn't".
The glow of red beaming off her face blinds us as she slumps her head down. "wait did you actually?" I blurted out in surprise. She gave us the slow nod confession. All we could do as a response was burst out laughing. We were in disbelief she would actually do that! Our toddler joined or thundering laughter and our preteen even started to nervous chuckle.
When we all settled, dad used his plumbing expertise to explain the reasons why we should not do this after her claims this was the only time she did this. The night turned into a plumbing lesson and expressing how happy we were with her for telling the truth.
The dinner suddenly fell silent. When everyone else assumed the topic was finished, I blurted out, "so why did you do it?"
This was met with quiet shrug, waiting for another lesson, but instead I said "well since you cant tell me, I assume you were feeding the Toilet God". The panic in her eyes, "NO!"
Dad joined in expressing his gratitude as now the Toilet God will spare us due to her offerings. Red with embracement, she pleaded this was not true. This went on for the rest of dinner.
In moments like this, I think about being a parent is such a treasure, and I could not help but be impressed with her that night. Not only did she do the most kid thing possible to avoid eating her vegetables, she felt safe enough to tell us the truth. Other than the punishment of embarrassment we induced, it turned into a night of jokes and laughter.
With a sign of relief it was all over, she scooted her chair out to put her plate of scraps away. As she walked past, I reminded her not leave out the Toilet God in her offers.
From afar all you can hear is, "OH COME ON, IT WAS ONE TIME!"